Monday, November 23, 2009

more strange parenting events (95 bottles)

More things they never tell you about being a parent:

  • Walking through the den/TV room/toy zone in the dark at midnight, seeing a faint phosphorescent glow & you think, "I told the boys the remote goes on top of the TV, not on the floor!", only to realize it's your son's glow-in-the-dark stegosaurus his cousin won for him at a penny arcade in L.A.

  • You tactfully refrain from laughing with maniacal glee as your child steps on one of those itty-bitty one-dot Legos you've repeatedly stepped on & repeatedly told them a zillion times to pick up. You, of course, offer comfort anyway.

  • On the same note, you become aware that you can offer comfort without offering much in the way of sympathy. See above.

  • It is possible to go from 100 mph to full stop in 17.6 sec. -- if one is talking about the hyperactive berzerker speed of a two year old bouncing around his bedroom, off the bed, off the walls, off the shelving, off the dresser, off the drapery, off the floor ...

  • It is possible to want to leave your children to the wolves in Northern Minnesota while concurrently wishing they would just calm down enough to let you hug them.

  • One's temper with Idiot Drivers is much, much shorter when your child is in the car. While 2 blocks from home, with Jr.Gopher#1 in the car, some Idiot pulled out of the alley on 34th St. straight out in front of me. Thank God for ABS brakes and good tires. De ja vu: the exact same method was used for totaling my last VW 11 months ago.


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