Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

bumper sticker of the month

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.
-Napoleon





like many amusing/intriguing quotations, one can find multiple repetitions of it on-line, but not anything vaguely resembling a citation thereto.
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Monday, May 2, 2011

famine

We will feast when the rich become road kill.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Rammstein & Sesame St.

Krümmel Monster mit Ich Esse den Keks a la Rammstein
Cookie Monster with "I Eat the Cookies"

Winnie the Pooh - again, in German - Ich Will
was removed by youtube
I guess Disney didn't like being coopted by Rammstein. sigh ... it was really good.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

oh, them!

Jr.Gopher#1 was speaking with his phys. ed. teacher last Friday. I caught part of the conversation:

PE teacher: ... you like Gopher Sports and ice hockey.

PE teacher: Who do you think is going to win the game this weekend?

Jr.G #1: huh?

PE teacher: The big game this weekend - who are you cheering for?

Jr.G #1: huh?

Me to teacher: No one in our family follows American football.

Jr.G #1: oh! football!

PE teacher holds out her hand with her nails painted green & yellow.

PE teacher: Whose colors are these?

Jr.G #1: Brazil

Monday, January 10, 2011

What's Your Rank?

What's your job score?

Ms. Healthy Gopher:
Occupational Safety: 89

STFU&GBTW:
Motion Picture Editor 19
Computer Programmer 18
not sure which would apply - maybe you count as 18.5

Mr. HT
Computer Programmer 18

Mr. Gopher
Electrical Engineer: 62

Dr.Nuke: Physicist 12
Heather: Attorney: 82
The Author: Author: 93

Of course, there's always top and bottom rank:
Mathematician: 1
Lumberjack: 200

Thursday, December 16, 2010

History, revisited

Kingdom of Heaven was a visually . beautiful movie. Now that Orlando Bloom is no longer riding the LotR / PotC wave, I suppose it might be easier to watch it without seeing Legolas in the Holy Lands. The biggest visual draw-back of the whole movie is Eva Green. Jeeze... can't she ditch the over-done icky eye makeup that's in all her work?

This is the Crusades done to Eyes Without a Face, Billy Idol.
At least the focus on this isn't so bad, as long as you don't make it full-screen.

Yes, this is a simplistic summary of the Crusades. It is also much, much better than the 6th Grade history textbook I looked at a few years ago. At least it mentions
a) that there were more reasons than "for the glory of god"
b) the Children's crusade
c) other consequences of the wars beyond "Europeans got their ass kicked by the Muslims"





and, if you want Kingdom of Heaven on screen - watch in on a big-screen if possible. The big battle scenes and the long shots of Jerusalem/surrounding lands are better big. The costuming and visuals are really impressive. It's Ridley Scott, a.k.a., Gladiator, in his historian (and unfortunately not Alien) mode. Balian's "rise a knight" speech is Hollywood-esque overdone "ain't the little peasant peon really the center of all that is Right and Good, who are the True Good Guys". It's one of those "sort-of-based upon a story we think the scriptwriter once read", but at least they didn't hire a WASP to play Saladin.

http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi1418789145/
sorry, can't figure out how to imbed it from IMdB.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

How often did I tell students ...

Well, at least Mr.Gopher married a woman who labels her axes.



and right now, every single one of them is:

y-axis: critical fraction (by-pass/through)
x-axis: charge burden (n)

let's see if this choice makes it past my adviser

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Bumper Sticker of the Month (sort of)

so this is a while afterwards, but still funny:

Signs @ Rally for Sanity:

Sure there are more, but I don't want to go back through all of the ones I read, so here's a limited selection:

I came here Illegally. I went 5 mph over the limit on I-95

If you don't want the 1st Amendment, you can't have the 2nd.

I screwed you all, but thanks for blaming the black guy. w/Bush photo.

Really must see the photo.

I can't put the math symbols here, so just click here.

I have no problem paying taxes because I'm an adult and that's part of the deal
I'm ok with the mosque - but WalMart really scares me

If screaming makes you right ... the 3-year old won the street is a friggin' genius

I wouldn't presume to tell God who He hates.

Another sign you just have to see, but probably can't read the fine print.

God hates flags.





The following are still funny, but you probably don't want to read all of this, so the top ones are my favorites.

Taxes aren't why your life sucks.

Critical Thinking: The Other National Deficit
I'm a Marxist. w/Groucho photo

I scare Juan Williams at airports. sign held by female, brown-skinned woman wearing hijab

Facts have a well-known Liberal bias.

Glenn Beck brainwashed my grandparents. I want them back!

Vote Cthulhu. Why pick a lesser evil?

Pssst...if you see my mom in the audience, tell her I'm working on my dissertation

Pi is all the irrationality I need

Empowering the Powerful - RepubliCorp

Thanks Honey 4 staying home w/ the kids

I've only got hair under my scarf. wearing hijab

I want to see Sarah Palin's birth certificate

Repeal Civil Rights -- I was happy at the back of the bus. held by black man

No more unqualified candidates: show me your grades in
US Gov't
Environmental Sci
Stats & Econ
or STFU

Give Us Back the Colonies & we'll give you health care. under UK flag











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Monday, November 29, 2010

science geek

Once a geek, always a geek
bonus Geek Points if you understand the bottom frame



http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/guest_week_bill_amend_foxtrot.png

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Flow chart - diagrams

click on image to get it into a larger format to see the whole thing ... sorry I can't get it differently...

Problem solving flow chart - now this is my humor of the month:

































Circuit diagram:
































the holy water is my favorite part

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Requiem of Doom

Riddle of Steel / Riders of Doom: if you remember Conan the Barbarian, you'll remember the tune (track 2). Lord only knows, but parts of it, esp. 3:50 make me think of the Requiem mass: Dona eis requiem aeternam to a pounding, driving over-the-top Williams-esque heroic tune. Rather appropriate, in this case: eternal rest grant unto them as Conan is killing everyone.

The tune is not exactly the version in the modern Gregorian tradition or even Mozart. Yes, yes, the picky adherents to the Church of Rome will point out that the 'official' order of the text is 'requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine'. However, given the glory of Latin declination of nouns, it shouldn't really matter in which order they are used.

Failing my current profession, perhaps I can turn to a life setting the Latin Mass to new settings.
et lux perpetua luceat eis.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

spongy white bread on the great buffet

An insanely funny review of Atlas Shrugged. I couldn't stop laughing.

I can't imagine it being that funny, if you haven't read the book, which the reviewer describes as "nerd revenge porn". Several of the reader comments (well the 1st few, I"m not going to read all 396 of them) are really amusing, as well. "Regardless, I may have to read it now, just so I can picture John Galt as a sentient cup of yogurt the whole time."

commenter #39 stated:
I think most Objectivists sit in their middle class suburban houses and think “Yeah, if society was like that, then I’d be a CEO making the big bucks too!” And there are also those who see these people, and use this selfishness and lack of self esteem and use it to manipulate them. Probably why it appeals to segment of the tea party folks.
-- nailed it in one. This explains my personal opinion of tannin-containing-idiots quite succinctly.

I read it in high school and it was the first significant piece of literature that really impressed me socio-politically. Sure, I'd read a bunch of Heinlein, Asimov, and I might even have read Dune, and quite a bit of Cherryh's more social-focused works. All of which came across as clearly SciFi. Atlas Shrugged was presented as more clearly 'it could be real', since it didn't have interstellar space traveling aliens wielding laser guns. I clearly disagree with the reviewer about how plausible the objectivist-world is. Just look around, man, and listen to the politicians today.

Friday, August 6, 2010

101 Things To Do

101 Things (apparently) All Sports Fans Must Experience Before They Die:

Come visit us & you can do the following:
40. Town ball in Minnesota (summer, towns throughout Minnesota). Town ball (baseball played by amateurs for their local town teams) is the last pure sport in America. You know the diamond in "Field of Dreams"? There are at least a dozen such fields in Minnesota where the local teams play a couple of nights a week each summer. Many of them have a cornfield on one side and a cemetery on the other, which is a fitting arrangement: life and death with baseball in between.

66. U.S. Pond Hockey Championships (January, Minneapolis). How cool is this tournament, played the way hockey is meant to be played (on a frozen lake shoveled off by the players themselves)? Brian Bellows played in it after his 10-year NHL career.

82. Minnesota high school hockey tournament (March, Minnesota). As with Indiana basketball, this tournament isn't what it once was when all high schools competed together regardless of size (Roseau, with an enrollment of about 400, won the last single-class tournament). But it remains as much a part of state culture as Prince, tater tot hot dish and "Fargo."


Not here, but you could probably stop by and say hi to my in-laws while you're there:
101. Driving the Ring (daily, western Germany). There is no speed limit on Germany's autobahn (somewhat of an exaggeration, there are speed limits) and there is nothing quite like doing 100 mph only to have a family in a station wagon honking at you to pull over and let them pass. But if the autobahn isn't fast enough for you, try out the 14-mile, 170-turn Nurburgring. The former Grand Prix course was closed to Formula One racing for decades before returning this year (too dangerous) but it's open to the public to drive at speeds of up to 150 miles per hour. Just promise one thing: That you won't attempt this until you've accomplished the previous 100.




So far, I have accomplished the following on this list:
#66 - Pond Hockey Championships. Went this year with the Jr. Gophers. Only got to see about 20 minutes of play before the games were called off due to the ice melt being too deep for the puck to slide.

#88 - Monday Night Football. Well, in all honesty, I can't recall if the Steelers-Dolphins game was on a Monday Night or not. The WVU Marching Band was playing for them. Not nearly as impressive as the WVU-Pitt or Penn State games, though

#101 - above - driving on the autobahn - I tried it in Baden-Württemburg, near Stuttgart, and got passed by 2 Porches and 1 Ferrari which were all doing at least 120 mph.


What's on the list that I personally really want to see?

#56 - an All Blacks game. I wouldn't even care if it was in New Zealand, but I'm willing to suffer if I'm already there. In which case, it might co-incide with #64, camping out for tickets to anything, because in this Age of Electrons, I'm not camping out anywhere other than at my laptop.

#20 - Stanley Cup Playoffs. Preferably when it's Detroit on the ice or here in St. Paul.

#11 - Premier League soccer. I will make the assumption that the author is not a complete idiot despite some of the items on his list, and further assume that what he actually meant was Professional European Big League Soccer, and therefore this includes the Bundeslige. In which case, I'll head with Mr.Gopher for a game at his favorite team, Borussia-Mönchengladbach (how's that for a name?) or Schalke/Borussia-Dortmund/Köln (which are vaguely near the in-laws). Although Jr.Gopher#1 would no doubt bounce around insanely lobbying for Werder Bremen, where Mesut Özil plays (#8, his totally favoite player from the Weltmeisterschaft this year).

#2 - World Cup. The US is supposedly considering lobbying for hosting the games again in 2018. If so, and if the Gophers are still here ...? Sign me up along with the other million people who want to see it. At least if it's here, it'll be a sure thing that we're playing. And I really can't imagine Germany not at least qualifying.


What's not on the list that I personally really want to see?

A - Women's Ice Hockey NCAA Championships
Face it, there aren't going to be any women playing in the NHL. Ever. If I want to see top-notch women's hockey, it will only be at a university/college. And I'll need to do it before we leave Minnesota. Luckily we have several teams in-state, increasing the probability of access to the championship games. I've promised Jr.Gopher#1 to take him to a Gopher's game this season. Given the price difference, it will be the Women Gophers. I plan for this to be a gender-identity-expanding event: i.e., women a big sports players, too. This should precede next years Women's World Cup. Expect and brain-popping insane rant if the U has a female-version of Goldie the Gopher.

B - Women's World Cup. Although I will accept that the author just ... uh ... forgot? that there are two of them and thus forgot to mention this in passing with #2

C - stupifyingly, I don't recall college hockey being on the list. Maybe it's just not as cool as the Stanley Cup (true) or Pond Hockey Championships (maybe). The men's NCAA championship is on my list, too. Cheaper than seeing the Wild [I think...?] or any game in the Cup playoffs [for sure].

D - I'm sure I'll think of something else...
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Monday, August 2, 2010

Is there a smoker in the house?

Futilely trying to light a baptismal candle yesterday, Fr. Joe finally sought assistance: "Is there someone who will admit to being a smoker?" No one answered.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

don't make fun of the zeta function

Comic:
frame 1> lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, she asked me what I was thinking about
frame 2> I should have made something up
frame 3> The Bellman-Ford algorithm makes terrible pillow talk.

me: read the text of the comic aloud, then asked if Mr.Gopher knew what this algorithm was. The comic was already amusing, whether or not I knew what it was. I got the point.

Mr.Gopher: didn't have any idea.

I was surprised.

me: it could just as easily have been the Rhiemann-Zeta function makes terrible pillow talk.

Mr.Gopher: No! continuing enthusiastically It's one of the most important problems in mathematics. It was on the list of significant unsolved mathematical problems 100 years ago; it's still on the most recent one. It's fascinating. Don't make fun of the zeta function!

me:

me:

me: hee hee hee hee hee hee

Mr.Gopher: what's so funny?

.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

My first thought

Really, the first thing that crossed my mind was: God, I really do look like my brother. Okay, they're not great pictures, I took them myself.

2nd thought: hey, I'm still a brunette.

It would have taken much more effort to get my hair-do worse than it was. This, seriously, is an improvement. At least I don't look like a walking q-tip.

I think the last time my hair was this short was when I was 6 months old. Cool - it only takes 10 minutes to dry, not 10 hours. but ... I think I look about 10 years older than I did as a long-haired red-head. ah, well ... it will grow back. The whole purpose was simply to get rid of the horrid 'do.




Identity matrix doesn't function normally either

Cute website. My favorite it even made Mr.Gopher smile:

Friday, July 23, 2010

creative profanity

Periodic Table of Swearing.

Done by an English(wo)man, based upon the prolific use of 'sod'