What's Your Rank?

What's your job score?

Ms. Healthy Gopher:
Occupational Safety: 89

STFU&GBTW:
Motion Picture Editor 19
Computer Programmer 18
not sure which would apply - maybe you count as 18.5

Mr. HT
Computer Programmer 18

Mr. Gopher
Electrical Engineer: 62

Dr.Nuke: Physicist 12
Heather: Attorney: 82
The Author: Author: 93

Of course, there's always top and bottom rank:
Mathematician: 1
Lumberjack: 200

Flow chart - diagrams

click on image to get it into a larger format to see the whole thing ... sorry I can't get it differently...

Problem solving flow chart - now this is my humor of the month:

































Circuit diagram:
































the holy water is my favorite part

huh?

I had to answer yes/no to the following question on a job application form. I split it up to parse, since I couldn't figure out what the answer was.

Are you or an immediate family member (spouse, child, parent, brother or sister) currently or ever have been employed by a U.S. Federal, State, Local or Foreign Government (either as a civilian or in the military), or in a Reserve or Guard component of the Armed Services, or in any other position that may either: (1) prevent you from being employed by [us] or (2) place restrictions on what work assignments [we] may give you, if hired, due to U.S. Federal, State, Local or Foreign Government "revolving door" or conflict of interest laws?

... huh?

Are you - ok, that's me, good so far

or an immediate family member (spouse, child, parent, brother or sister) - that's a lot of people

currently or ever - if they care if I've ever done it, why mention 'current'?

have been employed by a U.S. Federal, State, Local or Foreign Government, - that's a lot of work

(either as a civilian or in the military) - is there any other possible category?

or in a Reserve or Guard component of the Armed Services, - didn't they just already include the military?

or in any other position - so basically, in any job anywhere with anyone by anyone genetically related to me or with whom I've genetically created some of these others

that may either:

(1) prevent you from being employed by [us] - god, I hope not

or (2) place restrictions on what work assignments [we] may give you,
If I haven't seen the job description (which we all know is NOT the one posted to get me to apply), how can I possibly answer this?

if hired, due to U.S. Federal, State, Local or Foreign Government "revolving door" - is this the "don't let it hit you in the ass on the way out" door?

or conflict of interest laws?
-- right now I'm thinking that the entire government system within the USA is in conflict with my interests.

... huh?

You know a lawyer spent an entire month trying to come up with this. I'm more accustomed to simply being asked "have you ever been convicted of a felony?"

almost there

It's 9:26 p.m. CST
I am sitting in my lab listening to William Billings' music and some chronic buzzing that is coming from the larger of the two annoying air pumps.
I am on my last set of data. After this, I retreat to my desk and try to export the data into some coherent form.
Then another couple of hours before I can depart.
The light rail runs at 12:22 and 1:22.
Catching the 12:11 in front of Coffmann will get me to the Metrodome just in time to watch the 12:22 depart.
Last night, after discovering this amazing fact, I sat on the chilly platform and read Dr.Pete's NIOSH grant, which included the sentence:
This device, shown in Fig. 4, has just recently been completed and one member of my research team is working to evaluate its performance.
[translation: Elizabeth is sitting in the lab tonight listening to loud 18th century choral music and air pumps so that I can sit on her committee and approve her thesis so she gets out of my hair and takes the evil aerosol curse with her.]

I really want to be home and not here.
After tonight, though, there won't be any more data collection for a while. Thank God.

Warm & emotionally supportive just ain't the path to success

"I think you're going to see a kinder workplace," said Suzanne Hodes, vice president of CareerXchange, a South Florida staffing firm. "It's my belief that women are more nurturing, caring and looking for work-life balance."

1) every "woman are nice & need to get more high-powered jobs" is made by a woman. Only 1 interview-ee is a man, who apparently whined a confused "why is this happening to us?"

2) the above statement is unbelievably sexist bullshit. The vast majority of women I know in Management are just as hard-assed, profession-driven as men.

2a) any woman heading into the top corporate, Fortune 500 companies had better be as hard-assed, profession driven as men. Otherwise the company won't want them. And those companies assuredly don't give a damn about a warm & fuzzy emotionally supportive work place. They care about money.

-->> this is why women don't get paid as much as men at this point in their business careers: if they're willing to put family first, without a stay-at-home husband, they're not going to compete on an even playing field, because they're disadvantaging themselves by trying to play a different game with different rules expecting the same results?


3) 'it's my belief' does not belong in a piece like this, unless is completely panders to (in this case) women. ... ... Oh, that's right, it does.

4) The Business section of the NY Times had a large picture of the head of the pension plan at GM above the fold on p.1. She was wearing a nice business suit, smiling in a friendly manner, standing with her hands demurely held together in front of her standing in the unoccupied foyer of some large building. Described as "A soft-spoken woman described time and again as likable, ..." No where did I see anything which said "I'm a high-powered kick-ass hard-ball playing s.o.b., so don't fuck with me'. If this is how GM presents its financially powerful people, it's no wonder they're about to be stomped out of existence. I wouldn't take her seriously, even if it was my kid's school principal. I might dress like that at work, but I sure as hell wouldn't let anyone take a photograph of me for the Times (or anything else) looking like that. I'd want to be standing in front of my desk with the evidence of my hard work trying to drive up my employer's assets. Or at least some totem of business power. There was a picture of Whitney Houston in some glossy mag the same day - now that was a photo of a powerful, self confident woman.

And yet, the story is basically "this is a high-powered, highly paid woman who's being investigated because of how much money the top people at GM make, including herself". So, it says "she makes boat loads of money, and is being looked at suspiciously - oh, and she's a woman too".

--->> This is why women don't make as much money as men in business. If you are presented as submissive, no one is going to take you seriously. If you have that much power, you should have the brass balls to demand to control how you are presented to the public, who don't realize you're powerful. This is how we're telling young girls to get ahead? Look like someone's secretary? Even the C.E.O. Barbie (really I saw one in the neighbor girl's Barbie book) looks more like a CEO - facing front in front of a big desk in a big office with the trappings of power (it was 15 years old and she had a fax, something on the big cheeses got back then).


I'm willing to bet that if I went looking for photos of Angela Merkel and Hilary Clinton, the American press would be painting Clinton as a nice, warm woman who wants to help you. The only photo I've seen of Merkel looking warm & supportive was at a professional soccer match. Which isn't really the same kind of 'supportive'.

I wish I'd ...

There's an ad for the Peace Corps on several of the bus stops around town, with the slogan "Means you'll never have to say I wish I'd ..." A post on the News Cut blog on MPR was The War on Parenthood about how pop culture claims we influence our children's eventual moral and character development.

I thought about this, and my immediate response was there are two major rules to parenting:

Recommendation 1: Do the best you can. What else can the world reasonably expect of you?

Recommendation 2: There is absolutely no way you can possibly control the actions or thoughts of another person (like your children). Don't bother trying.

If my children become self-sufficient men capable of loving others, and respecting and loving themselves, I will have succeeded as a mother. Anything else is icing on the cake of life.

Then I thought about it some more during my 15 minute break from the panic of turning in homework late. and later. and an exam due in a few days that I haven't started ...

This obsession with blaming me for anything wrong in the future with my kids is simply a left over of the eugenics "your children are born with their character already predestined, which is why you're so poor and I'm not".

The journalist did a series of interviews with college students (of all ages) at the smaller colleges in Minn. One of them gave up her dreams of being an artist because her parents said "you can't make any money at it".

I really want to believe that I will never tell my children they shouldn't bother to at least try. The next Steve Yzerman? Go for it. A professional portrait painter? go for it. The next president? You're nuts, but hey, go for it.

Will they actually make it? Maybe not. My brother, STFU&GBTW no doubt heard "there are too many people who all want that job, go do something that you can succeed at". You know what you should do? Go watch his name zooming by on the next James Cameron movie. Or Lord of the Rings. Or whatever it is he's doing.

I read an old Life article when I was about 12 or 13 about a physician somewhere in BFE Appalachia who did housecalls for the destitute (i.e., just about the whole area). I was so inspired. I decided that's what I wanted to do with my life. Not the Appalachia part, but the improving the quality of people's health part. I thought you had to be a doctor to do it. So, I decided to go to med school. (That, at least, generally gets parental emotional support.) After about 3 semesters in college, I realized there was no way in hell I would ever make it through med school. I was so disappointed that I couldn't pursue this career. I didn't know what else to do, so I figured I'd just finish what I started and be a chemist. I am quite certain I would have made a piss-poor doctor.

Fast forward 30 years ...

You know what I really really wanted, back in 1979? I wanted to go into Public Health. A field which doesn't require being a physician (one who deals with the individuals); I wanted the large-scale public aspect of it. Had I ever heard of it? No. Would I have done it then? Yes. Would people have supported my idea of going to some third world country to make their lives better? I'm pretty sure not.

Where am I in 2009? The University of Minnesota School of Public Health. I finally figured out what I wanted. Am I doing it? Nope. I'm sitting in the midst of a good school - (well, I really wanted Johns Hopkins which I would have done, had I not married Mr. Gopher) - with a good global public health infectious disease program. Now that's what I wanted to do with most of my life. Nope, I'm in the Environmental Health Science's Industrial Hygiene program. Most people wonder if I clean teeth.

I'm still stuck in the "I wish I'd ..." If I hadn't been married and forced to confront the reality of balancing my life with someone else? Hell, yes, I'd have popped over to Baltimore for a few years.

But, you know what? That beautiful piece of paper which will say University of Minnesota Masters of Public Health doesn't come with an expiration date. I know what I want. Perhaps one of these days I'll get it. And, unlike the kid nextdoor who idolizes Wayne Gretsky ... at least I'm not too old to pursue what was once my dream.

General Duty

Section 5(a)(1) of the Occupational Safety & Health Act, often referred to as the General Duty Clause, requires employers to:
furnish to each of his employees employment and a place of employment which are free from recognized hazards that are causing or are likely to cause death or serious physical harm to his employees.

This is my profession's mantra: "free from recognized hazards". Closing one's eyes fails to qualify as "I didn't see it".

Innovation v. Stultification

Is stultification a real word? I know stultifying is.

There's a video from a NASA astronaut, explaining where problems in innovation occur. Where good ideas go to die. This is fantastic - if you don't recognize any of these scenarios, it's because you're self employed.

Tale of Dexpereaux (not a review)

"The Tale of Despereaux" is set in the the faraway kingdom of Dor. It's the story of an unlikely hero-- a tiny mouse with exceptionally large ears. That mouse, Despereaux, falls in love with a princess. His fate becomes intertwined with a rat trapped in a dungeon and a servant girl who dreams of becoming a princess.

Kate DiCamillo won the 2005 Newberry Medal for her book, "The Tale of Despereaux." DiCamillo talked with Morning Edition host Cathy Wurzer about the film adaptation. She had just returned from the movie's premiere in L.A.

If you ever wonder (i.e., you're anyone I know other than STUF&GBTW or Cinda) about the process of going from written word to visual story on the silver screen ... you'll find this interesting. It popped up on the local public radio station because DiCamillo is a local girl. Opening Friday. I guess, unlike Will Smith popping into Edina, we don't rate a 'premier' here. Yeah, no kidding - the Will Smith. No relation.

(Although on a totally unrelated note, about 'not related', the Security chief at my last regular job was also named Smith, was shorter than I am, and was certainly much blacker than I am - not that this is much of a challenge. Clyde would constantly introduce me as his sister, which always, always made the person do a complete double-take. I could always see curiosity struggling with what they perceived as good taste. After personally being shocked the first time he did it, I encouraged the social confusion by pointing out that he was always considered the black sheep of the family. At which point, the person was never really sure if he should laugh. Which, in effect, gave Clyde & I a good chuckle.)

3-in-1

Yup, 3 posts in 1 day. This doesn't even qualify (much) as procrastination. Well, maybe it does.

I have a big presentation tomorrow morning at Honeywell. My internship ends on Friday. I get Labor Day, and then school resumes on Tuesday. I've got classes on epidemiology (infestion disease statistics), ethics, something about 'risk based decision making', and my thesis research. Oh, an apparently the course which equals my internship, which I forgot to register for. At least this way it's being paid for NIOSH, rather than my husband.

Our power just went out. Apparently Mother Nature is trying to catch up with our drought and dump it all tonight. One of those gung-ho Midwest storms, complete with tons of lightning. Thank goodness for the battery in my laptop.

My term paper about the methods of analysis of radioactive fallout from the nuclear explosion at Chernobyl is what I'm procrastinating about. And the final exam for the class.

Gregor's vocabulary is pretty small still. However, his newest word is Mull [trash]. He now has a stuffed weasel (ferret?); it was an inadvertant, spontaneous purchase at Ikea. I was pushing him around in the shopping car, and had to go through the Ikea-Kids department. He grabbed the ferret out of its bin. Soft, cute, he grabbed it and held it in his arms with a big smile. Great. Sure, he can hang onto it while I go compare prices for bedframes. About 15 minutes later, I realize the error of my decision: one ought never let a teething child have a soft cuddly toy which doesn't belong to him. The animal's tail was thoroughly wet from being chewed upon. Ah, well, at least it was only $7.95. And he still likes it.

Power back on.

Michael's German is getting rapidly better. He's still obsessed with Cars. Temper tantrums are becoming a bit tiresome.

Well, I suppose I ought to stop the not-quite-procrastinating and review the material for my presentation tomorrow. And find some nice clothes to wear for it.

If you're reading this, it's at least 8 a.m. CST. Cross your fingers that my presentation goes well.

3:00

I don't think I've ever gotten up at 3 a.m. before. Gone to bed, yes. Get out of bed, no. I'll be doing this for the next several days. I will then take a day off and do nothing but sleep.

Total Guilt Trip

So, Friday rolls around, and I would have succeeded in completing my first full week of work in 4 years when I came home that night. The boys are eating breakfast. Peter is having a cup o' joe. I am heading out the door, saying good-bye.

Michael: Where are you going, Mama?

Me: I'm going to work. [there's a phrase unused for 4 years]

Michael: I don't want you to go to work!

Me: why not?

Michael: You need to stay here.

Me: why?

very long, thoughtful pause.

Michael: to be with me.


Four years old!!

four years old!

I don't do the good old-fashion Catholic guilt-trip! Where the hell did he learn it from!?? Where? Cut my heart out and pour Drain-O on it! I'm a horrible mother! He isn't even going to be at home! He's going to be @ Kinderstube (the german pre-school)!

God, this shit sucks.

I like my job, though.

Sunday morning, 2 days later:

Me: Come on, boys, it's time to get up & get dressed.

Michael: Where are we going?

Me: It's Sunday. We're going to church.

Michael: I don't want to go to church. I want to go to Kinderstube.


Gregor doesn't fling himself at me, when I come home anymore. The last 2 times he's run, arms out, joyfully across the yard, right up to me, and then zoomed around me, to catch the cat. Again today.

I like my job, though.


So, I signed this confidentiality-thing as a condition of employment at Honeywell. Which means I can't actually tell you exactly what I do for work. But, I was watching my boss today, and as he hectically told me for the 3rd time today that he would need to postpone our meeting, I simply said, "I used to have your job. I so totally sympathize."

I like my job.

1.2 million sq. ft.

1,200,000 sq. ft. =
27.55 acres =
0.11 sq. km =
11.2 hectares =
1,111.111 times bigger than our house in Lansing =
1,114,836,480,000,000,038,753,601,580,957,696.00 barns*

Or

1.2 million sq. ft. = 10 minute walk from my office to the front door of the Honeywell plant in Golden Valley.

I've gotten lost very single time I've walked more than 20 feet out of my office door. With a map. Luckily there's a bathroom in the safety department's area, or else I'd have exploded or resorted to leaving a trail of breadcrumbs. Which would probably have gotten run over by the NASCAR forklift truck speedway.



*no clue what this 'barns' is, but it's awful damn small. It was just an option on the 'unit conversion' program.