Earth in High-Density Beauty

utterly beautiful

Whimsey of my life

Sex, Lies & Tee-times
The court also determined the $35,000 was a reasonable sanction when Ali Dunham was told that her golf schedule was not a factor to be considered in scheduling her deposition in the case, but she "disregarded that directive by deliberately choosing to play golf at the time of her deposition," the court said. "She then lied to the court about her reason for failing to attend her deposition, lied repeatedly under oath when presented with the true facts about her whereabouts at the time of her deposition, and now refers to her lies as a mere failure to 'volunteer' information." The court said Audian Dunham then lied to corroborate his wife's story.

Industrial ventilation design:
what exactly is a degree-day?

Do you want to rent space at the Mpls city public gardening area?
I have such a brown thumb. I've never been able to grow anything. I managed to keep a couple cacti alive at BioPort for 6 years. Then it died, too.

2 cents
Advice from one lawyer to his son, who was contemplating doing something socially rude:
"You're going to run into everybody again. They may not remember that you're a nice guy, but they'll certainly remember you're a jerk."

The Cup
So, I’m checking the NHL stats. I haven’t looked in the past two weeks. I can’t really watch the games, unless Yahoo is showing them on line, and that’s usually in conflict with the rest of my life. It’s in the final stretch. Boston, Washington, New Jersey, San Jose, Detroit, and Vancouver are at the top of the two conferences. No need to wonder who I want to win. Who do I think will? Well, Boston has been fantastic, and fantastically consistent. Detroit has, on more than once occasion in the past 20 years, fallen on their faces in the first round. Of course, they’ve also won 4 times in the past 12 seasons. Ultimately, I really want to be able to watch fantastic hockey. This is quite apparently not occurring today, with Columbus being pounded like a baby seal. “Columbus has an all-time record of 247-328-43. Detroit, meanwhile, is 288-254-1 ... but that’s just in playoff games.”

How many U.S. Senators are there? 100? No! There are only 99.
Minnesota can't seem to figure out how to make political assassinations feasible, and then take out the loser (in more than one sense) who's holding up our right to representation. Our senator has - like many in the country - been doing two people's work without adequate resources.

... hmm... maybe this might keep them in touch with the reality of the Modern Workforce? ... given their guaranteed unrelated to performance "pension", I doubt it ...

[Sen. Klobuchar] noted that she had originally predicted that the Senate race would be resolved by the time ice-out was officially declared for Lake Minnetonka -- which occurred last week on the same day as the ruling of the judges.

"Now I predict this will be done when Minnesotans are allowed to swim in our lakes, which is Memorial weekend," she said Sunday.- Sen. Amy Klobuchar

Seriously, what will it take to make the GOP satisfied? If the only answers is “I win”, they sound like my 4 year old. You lost, Norm, get over it and go find a job. Not that you actually need one, with your senatorial retirement benefits.

Octopus Etiquette

Well, paying a bit more attention to the technicalities of ice hockey (like trying to figure out what in the world is the difference between icing and off-sides), I discovered what one is supposed to do with the octopi thrown in the Joe Louis Arena, a fact which no one had ever been able to answer. But, of course, these days there is the omnipotent god Wikipedia:

The 1952 playoffs featured the start of the tradition—the octopus throw. The owner of a local fish market ... threw one from the stands onto the ice. The eight legs were purportedly symbolic of the eight wins it took to win the Stanley Cup at the time. The Red Wings went on to sweep both of their opponents that year en route to a Stanley Cup championship. The NHL has, at various times, tried to eliminate this tradition but it continues to this day. ... since [arena] does not condone the throwing of any foreign objects onto the ice, fans often sneak the sea creatures in wrapped around their bellies in trash bags. The boiling process also lessens the odor and allows the fans to get past security.

There is a certain etiquette that must be followed for fans that wish to throw octopuses onto the ice.

Beforehand, an octopus should be boiled for at least 20 minutes on high heat with a little lemon juice and white wine. This will mask the creature's odor as well as reducing the amount of slime. A raw dead thrown octopus would result in a smelly ball that would stick to the ice upon impact and possibly leave an inky stain, while a well-boiled octopus will bounce and roll across the surface of the ice.

After the octopus has been properly prepared it must be smuggled into the ice arena, as it is against the law in Detroit (and other NHL cities) for a fan to throw anything onto the ice during a game. A preferred method is to wrap the octopus in plastic (a trash bag or a large Ziploc bag will do) and then wrap the package around one's middle section to give the appearance of a beer belly.

The most appropriate time to throw an octopus onto the ice is after the national anthem is sung or after the Red Wings have scored a goal. The octopus must be thrown onto the ice surface in an area that is clear of all players. It is never acceptable to aim for opposing players. Tactics are also used to protect the identity of octopus-throwers from arena security. It is common practice for the hurler to ask the surrounding people to stand up with him to shroud the task in anonymity.

Experienced throwers grasp the octopus around the middle of its arms with the octopus's head (or more correctly, its mantle) hanging down near the thrower's knee and then swings the octopus with an overarm motion. Holding the octopus by the ends of its arms prior to the throw may result in the mantle of the octopus breaking off during the wind-up.

After successfully participating in this peculiar tradition, the octopus thrower is left with a tell-tale indicator: stinky hands. It is advisable to bring along a wet wipe and a slice of lemon to assist in removing the odor.

... the Joe Louis Arena head ice manager and one of the two Zamboni drivers, is the person who retrieves the thrown octopi from the ice. After he retrieves an octopus, he has been known to twirl it above his head as he walks across the ice rink to the Zamboni entrance.

... sent a memo to the Detroit Red Wings organization that forbids Zamboni drivers from cleaning up any octopuses thrown onto the ice and imposes a $10,000 fine for violating the mandate. The linesmen will instead perform any clean-up duties. ... justified the ban because "matter flies off the octopus and gets on the ice" when ... it [is swung] above his head ... Detroit Free Press dubbed the prohibition as "Octopus-gate". By the beginning of the third round of the 2008 playoffs the NHL loosened the ban to allow for the octopus twirling to take place at the Zamboni entrance.

The Worst

It Was a Dark and Stormy Night ...

Minnesota's on-going contribution to our nation's high standards of education and culture. "Russ Winter, of Janesville, Minn., was runner-up last week in the detective division of San Jose State University's 26th annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest for writing an opening sentence to a nonexistent novel." -Mpls Strib

While his was amusing, the Grand Prize winner was truly momentous.

Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped 'Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J.'



and who thought north Jersey couldn't be romantic?

Best Place to Break Up in the Twin Cities

Best Place to Break Up
Winner: Science Museum of Minnesota

Listen, honey, it's just not working out. See, you're like this 4,000-year-old stone slab of cuneiform, the world's first written language: Your communication skills are primitive. Or you're like the "Deadly Medicine" exhibit about Nazi eugenics. You're a traveling exhibit in the museum that is my life. You're fascinating, I learned some neat things from you, but you were never meant to be a permanent part of my collection, sweetie. That's just the way life is. Our relationship is as dead as that Egyptian mummy over there. Let's go over to the Disease Detectives display downstairs. See, you're like a horrible microbe that ended up in my food after the chef at a restaurant didn't wash his hands. Now you're in my digestive tract, and I'm sick...of you. Really, really sick. You make me puke. And, well, I don't want to puke anymore. Is this making sense? Good. I'm going to see a mountain-climbing movie at the Omnitheater now. Stop crying, the kids on a fieldtrip are staring.

Like I could make this up?

The "best of" also included:
Best Place to Get Arrested for Soliciting Sex in Public -- Mpls/Stpl Lindburgh Terminal almost made it
Best State Fair Food -- walleye on a stick
Best Parking Lot
Best Silver Lining to the 35W Bridge Collapse
Best DMV (yes, they really mean the Dept. Motor Vehicles)
Best Speed Trap